EP 105: Recalibrate, Don't Retreat: Dr. Lola Adeyemo on the Quiet Strength of Beginning Again

In this honest and inspiring solo episode, Host Dr. Lola Adeyemo explores the power of recalibration — the intentional act of learning, realigning, and moving forward after the moments that didn’t go as planned.

From canceled contracts to failed partnerships and unexpected career pivots, Dr. Lola opens up about her own experiences with “false starts” and how they’ve shaped her leadership, courage, and clarity.

She reminds us that fear and foresight can often feel the same — but one holds you back, while the other prepares you to begin again. Through storytelling and reflection, Dr. Lola offers three powerful anchors to guide you through transitions in your business, career, or advocacy journey:

1️⃣ Learn, don’t linger — take the lessons, not the limits.
2️⃣ Filter, don’t freeze — refine your focus without losing your fire.
3️⃣ Move with clarity, not fear — let experience strengthen your confidence.

This episode is a reminder that every false start is proof of courage — not failure. You’re not behind; you’re aligning.

🔗 Resources Mentioned

• Connect with Dr. Lola Adeyemo on LinkedIn
  
• Explore ERG & BRG Resources at www.EQImindset.com
  
• Join the Immigrants in Corporate Community: Join us HERE
  
• Read deeper reflections on Substack: Intersections by Lola
  
  

💬 Stay Connected

If this message resonates, share your reflections on LinkedIn and tag @Thriving in Intersectionality Podcast.  And don’t forget to rate, review, and subscribe — your support helps others discover these stories of courage and belonging.

Keep thriving in your intersections — and remember, recalibration is not retreat. 💙

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello and welcome to the Thriving in Intersectionality Podcast. A podcast that explores the real experiences of professionals navigating the workplace with layered, leaded identities. I'm your host, Dr. Lola Ateemo, the CEO of EQI Mindset and founder of the nonprofit Immigrants Incorporate Inc. I'm also an author, speaker, and a workplace inclusion strategist. I work with organizations to build communities of belonging through strategy, storytelling, and systems change. This podcast amplifies the voices of professionals from intersectional backgrounds, immigrants, ethnic minorities, first-gen professionals, veterans, working parents, individuals with disabilities, and so many more. Through solo reflections and guest conversations, we'll uncover the eating challenges, celebrate the wins, and offer insights to help you thrive, not just survive in the corporate world. Because in today's global workforce, belonging isn't just a bonus, it's the catalyst for real growth and impact. Let's dive in. Hello everyone, it's Lola Ademar back here for another solo episode of the Thriving in Intersectionality Podcast. I love having guests on my show and I love the conversations I get to host, but um every once in a while I get to come on on a solo session on the topic of intersectionality and the lessons I'm learning, and maybe the stories that you can relate with that can also help you. Um different seasons, different businesses, um, different business models. And but today I wanted to talk about something that maybe we didn't talk about enough because most times we see stories of successes being shared, uh, but we're gonna talk about false starts. And you probably heard false starts within the sports world, right? We if you are if you're a sports person, you know kind of what that means is when people start before it says go, or then you have to restart again. And but I want to talk about false starts in the context of business and your career, right? Those moments when we think we're finally moving forward with that job offer, with that new business, with that new partnership, um, and then something shifts. You know, it doesn't work out, the project fizzled out, the partnership didn't align, or a process or a project ends up being another uphill climb, and uh we have to retreat. And those of us navigating multiple intersections, especially if you are an immigrant, if you are a black person, a person of color, you're an employee resource group leader, you are an inclusion advocate, uh, maybe in your own business or within your organization. Our journeys are really straight lines. You know, we we understand their reroutes, there are restarts, there are recalibration. And that's the word that I want to use today, that I want to focus on as we talk about how to move forward, even after a false start, not fearfully but wisely, because that fear is going to be there. So every false start leaves a mark. Every time we try to do something new and it doesn't work, we have to acknowledge that it does leave a mark. Even when it works, right? He leaves his own mark. Uh, but especially when it doesn't work, um, we question ourselves, we question the process, we question um our competency because we think about the people that have had a start in that kind of direction and it works. Maybe even relationships, right? Um, if something fails that we had high hopes for, we lose a little bit of our confidence. It's kind of the um examples we've heard of children and how you ask a little child, what do you want to be when you grow up? They can say anything. You know, you find kids saying, I want to go to the moon, I want to build these. Their dreams are so broad. And a lot of times, um, as we grow into adulthood, it's almost like reality begins to um take bits off of our confidence, right? The the I moved from Nigeria when I was younger, and I always think about that move now, and I'm like, wow, I just up and left, and I came to the US to study because I dreamt of doing it and I wanted to, and I quit a job. And now there's probably going to be a lot more things that would make me even afraid to consider a cross-country move. Um, not to talk of a cross-continent move, right? Um, but if you if you've ever led even work around inclusion, you've had a project fall through, um, if things don't take off the way we hope, it's easy to internalize it. And you know, the the big takeaway from is you become more cautious, but you also become more fearful to take uh new steps, and you start asking, what if it fails again? What if I'm not the right person to push this? What if I just played safe and stay where I am? Um, as an entrepreneur, as a consultant, um I've had partnerships with bigger consultant firms that I thought, you know, was going to like change things, the direction I was going. And I've um I've been disappointed. I've had big firms take my services, take my content without paying me, and then being let go, right? It's there's a lot of experiences that we've had to learn from, and it makes us fearful of alliances, of partnerships, even of projects, right? If you are somebody that is very entrepreneurial, you know that starting a business, usually people see the story of the successful business. They don't see all the businesses and the ideas you had and the things you had to start and that never work out. So I've been there. I've had contracts that were signed and then canceled a couple of days before you um I started the work. And if you are a consultant, if you're a solopreneur, you kind of know the impact of getting a partnership uh proposal signed. Um, you don't wait until it's time to start the work before before you do it. You've done the research on the organization, you've sort of started putting things together, you put the invoice in your invoicing system, right? Like you put the numbers in there, but most importantly, you've started to do the work and to get ready for it, and how disappointing it can be for a client to cancel things at the last minute. Um, and I've entered partnerships with people, individuals where the alignment just fell off, and I had to pull out. So that's what experience does sometimes. It builds wisdom, but it can also build walls because we are wiser, and if we're not careful, we can start to block ourselves off from opportunities because now we're more worried about losing, failing, being uh bailed out on, right? So I think recalibration is the word I want to kind of come into this conversation with. How do you recalibrate without retreating when you've had false starts? And this, you know, this conversation is timely because I'm recording now in Q4 as we're wrapping up the year. Uh, but I think it's a topic that can be applicable, whether you're finishing a calendar year or you're finishing a huge project and you're kind of in that space where you're thinking of the you want to transition to next, or you are in your career, maybe you're thinking of a career change, right? So um it's not just calendar year bound, it's transitions that we're all having to face different stages of our life. And we all know we can get very complacent and comfortable in what's the routine and the things we always do. And it's it's very difficult to be aware of when it's time for us to recalibrate. And I think of it as that bridge between living and learning, right? We're learning something and we can walk away, or we can transition what we have learned to make a different decision, either redefining what we go for next, or doubling down when we're intentionally going on to the next thing based on our experience. Uh, for example, reviewing our contracts to make sure that it gives us enough room to prepare, it gives us enough flexibility to bounce back. Um, we're going into the conversation prior to contract signing to make sure that we cover all the bases, right? So it's not about abandoning what didn't work, it's about carrying the insight forward without the baggage of fear or managing with the fear, right? Um, because sometimes we think getting rid of fear is the goal. Um, I think what I've learned is getting comfortable with the fear, with understanding the plan of how I handle things, how I handle moving forward. I mean, talk to a lot of speakers on high-profile stage or leaders who are very high-profile, that's to talk about fear, um, as an example, fear of speaking. And you think about it and you're like, wait, how can you be scared of speaking in front of thousands? You speak about thousands in front of thousands of people all the time. The goal is not for the fear to go away. The goal is for you to recognize the reason for the fear and then how to push through the fear, how to how to push forward through the fear. So for immigrant professionals, recalibration might look like redefining success after you realize that the traditional part does not reflect the reality you want for yourself and your future and your family. For employee resource group leaders, it might mean you know, you shift how you advocate, right? Um, a lot of employee resource group leaders are people from diverse backgrounds, multiple intersections of identity, who are passionate advocates within their organizations. And so when you push for an initiative and it fails, or the outcome is not what you hoped for, or your leadership team does not adopt, how do you move from being reactive to what seemed like it didn't work to leveraging the lessons from that to still influence decisions and systems and policies in a very strategic way? And if you're an entrepreneur, most especially if you're a solopreneur, yeah, your business is your own. You're the marketing, you are the finance, you are the strategy, so you are CEO of everything. Um, it might mean changing your model, um, your audience, or even your reading. Um, I've been fortunate to be able to keep my focus on employee resource group within EQI mindset, which is my consulting. But I've had to transition how I position my offering, who I talk to, uh, some of the workshops that I offer. I've evolved my speaking topics and been able to redefine where my audience is, right? So you can keep your core and change the hour multiple different times as we'll learn, right? So recalibration doesn't mean you failed. It means you're refining alignment, and it's something every one of us needs to remember as we go through what I call the false starts in our life, in our world, um, and in our business. So let's talk about fear and foresight, right? Thinking, being forward thinking about these intentionality around our work. There's a difference between fear, being fearful as a result of false starts, or having foresight. And I and I think that difference can also help build our confidence to take that next step. Foresight helps us to plan, to pause, and to prepare. Because that pause is where you are looking at what you have learned, and it shapes your preparation and also encourages you and guides you directionally on where to go next. So when we've been burned before, whether by bias, by exclusion, or by a broken system, right? Sometimes the systems are broken and there's there's limits, there's walls in different places that we didn't realize or we didn't envision. Um, when there's exclusive practices that sort of blocks the way towards a successful initiative for something we want to do, or even bias, right? Bias itself is is very personal. You know, that that that one could really like impact us and and um hold us back. It's easy to let self-protection turn to limitation for us in the work that we do. But wisdom is not about playing small, it's it's about moving a little differently than we did the last time. Now we have the experience, now we have the knowledge, what do we do differently next time? So when you feel yourself hesitating and asking, is this pause about fear or is this about foresight? Right, acknowledging that fear and then doing the work we need to do so that we're moving forward uh with the next step. And an example is when I was going to quit corporate America, I was definitely afraid. Did I quit anyway? Yes, I did. Why? Because I talk through my fear with people who helped me to process what you are afraid of, what are you worried is going to happen, right? And then put things in place to support you if your fear is actually realized. Guess what? My fear was not realized. Um, but of course I don't know that at that time, but it's a major decision to quit a job for a little bit of a transition, right? And and so um addressing and acknowledging the reasons for the fear, asking a couple of whys to yourself, and then planning, right, for those realities if it happens, putting processes and and support systems in place. So that that question has helped me a lot of times to weigh opportunities like what am I afraid of? What is the risk of that happening? What would it do? What can I put in place if that happens? And how do I look at my larger ecosystem to make sure that this thing that I'm fearful of is not making me blind to the huge opportunities that are still existing? Um, if you're pursuing a project or an opportunity, how much time are you going to put into it? And how much time can you realistically put into it holding everything else steady, right? Is it a project that sounds like a great opportunity, but it's going to take 40 hours of your time and you're going to have to leave everything else. Well, what if it doesn't work? What is your fallback plan? How about you put a little less time in it and hold on to some other things that can give you a little bit of confidence? So this is something that I do. If you are familiar with me, you know I have a couple of things going on at every point in time and getting comfortable that you know I have a high risk level, risk tolerance level in different areas when it comes to studying things. I enjoy starting new projects, I enjoy launching projects, and you know, that joy has not been erased, but over the last couple of years, it's been shaped by more experience and having to be a little more cautious about things. Um but I don't want to lose the joy of starting new things that I I love, but I also have to apply the experience and the learnings that I've had to make sure that I'm doing more research and being more thoughtful about these next steps. And that's where the recalibration takes place. So when I talk about my process or when I think about my process, I think of the three anchors for recalibration. Um, and I wanted to summarize it into these three areas for anyone that is um in that middle position, sort of transitioning between opportunities, transitioning within roles or phases, uh, three anchors for your recalibration decision. The first one is to learn and not linger. And um I think I've I've I've learned to linger more than I used to linger when I was younger or when I was earlier on my journey. Um, I'm the kind of person that goes for it. Just go in and learn as you do it, right? Like if I want to, for example, when I wanted to write a book, I didn't know how to write a book. I didn't know the first thing about writing a book. Now, and this is there's no right or wrong way about it. We have different personalities, and there are some people that will go to a course to learn how to write a book. That could take a year, that could take months, and then you start writing the book, and the process takes so much longer. Maybe their product will be better than what I had, maybe not. You never know. But our approach and our personalities are different. I'm the kind of person that will just dive in and learn as I go. And so, you know, there is the need for a little bit of caution, but we also don't want to overpause because then you can delay and delay something. There's never a perfect time to start something new. There's never a perfect time to just go. So make sure you're learning, but make sure you're also not lingering uh for too long. Every detour teaches you something about timing, readiness, and structure, right? If you've written the first book, you know that your second book and your third book, the process is very different, right? So make sure we're pulling the insight and not re-experiencing the same exact disappointment again. So learn from what didn't work and expand the work you're doing to prepare for this next stage and move on. Wisdom means remembering the lessons, not reliving the exact same letdown. And so there is a learning, there is room for that, but don't linger too long. Take what you've learned, package it, process the next step, and keep moving forward. Don't give up on your dreams, don't give up on your plan. And part of packaging what you learned is talking through your people. Do you have a community? Do you have mentors that you could share with? When I was going to quit my job, I knew I was done months before I actually quit. And I had mentors that talked me through the process before I wrote that letter, right? And part of that is um having been, you know, been in a very difficult time with jobs, not able to find new jobs. So it's very important that we're ready. Part of that decision was I don't want to just quit and then lose some of these benefits. How do I put benefits in place for me and my family, right? So there is learnings, and there is also put a date and a cap on it and keep going. The other one is filter without freezing. So um, I think it's kind of tied to the first one, right? Lingering. Lingering can mean kind of taking your time to make decisions and over preparing to take action, and then you never actually take action. Um, but freezing might actually mean just not even doing anything at all, right? Experience should help us refine how we discern things, not restrict our desires. We're not trying to kill the desire for entrepreneurship, for example, or the desire for new projects, or the desire for that career path, right? It's just something you have a desire for, the more experience you have, the more opportunities you have to refine your approach to that next step. So for employee resource group leaders, um, that means continuing to dream. Keep working towards that ideal state. Even if your last proposal didn't get the funding, uh, for example, or your initiative was met with silence. It doesn't mean it's not realistic. It just means it might be a timing thing, it might be a finding an alignment partner thing, right? The right resource and place, the right opportunity, the right political climate, the right scenario within your organization, the right strategic goal focus, right? Timing. Timing is part of it. So don't lose that passion, don't lose that vision, don't restrict your desire, um, but refine your discernment and think about creative ways to do something differently. Keep filtering for alignment, but don't freeze your fire. Don't, don't, don't douse your passion. Keep going. You've got this, your your passions, your desires for um inclusivity in the systems within your organizations, the mission that you built your business on is still very valid. Um, EQI mindset for me, equity and inclusion mindset. Uh, I was very intentional about choosing the name, is the fact that there was so much gap and barriers when it comes to individual contributors, employee resource group leaders, and then the leadership of the organization and what they are addressing, and bridging that gap has sort of been my guiding model over the last five years is there is switching how we do it, but the need never goes away. I know there is a need, I know there is this gap coming from these corporate large corporations and talking, continuing to host spaces for these ERG leaders, and knowing that the data, what the data still speaks for the what the data. Still speaks to is that need still exists. Um, it's a good reminder that the work we're doing matters, but how we go about doing it, that's where we need help, that's where we need to assess, that's where we need the right communities to support us. And then when it's time, move again, but move differently, right? Um, the fact that I've had consulting partnerships that didn't work out um initially was going to was going to freeze me, right? My my first thought when and when I talk about consulting partnerships is putting 20, 10, 20 hours of my time in a partnership with a bigger consulting firm and getting burned to the point where my services and my work was taken and I was never paid, right? For me, that could mean don't ever get into partnerships with anybody, keep pursuing these yourself. Or it could mean document things the next time things want to happen. You are a doer, but you might need to pause more. And so I tell myself, think about this, think about this for a couple of days, and also get things in writing. Get things in writing, think of it as a business transaction, get things in writing, put the scenarios that are showing up for you now that you know that you've had experience. Uh, put up think about those scenarios and and package it, put it in words, talk through it with with those partners and move forward. Move as you need and move um with intention. Keep revisiting that dream. Whether you're transitioning your business, you are reigniting your passion for advocacy, you're not starting from scratch. Those experiences that you've had that are false starts, they are learnings that you can use to recalibrate and reignite where you go. So move with clarity that comes from experience, not the caution that comes from fear. And um, as we close this out, I just want to say that every false start that we all have had, and whether it's in your personal, professional, business life, is a proof of courage because we were bold, brave enough to start in the first place, to take a step. And even if it didn't work out the way it thought it was, I always love to think about. And as an entrepreneur, I've invested in trainings or programs that every entrepreneur will tell you, you know, when you start a business, you kind of have you invest in the things that you think will help you be better at doing the thing. And some of them don't work, they don't deliver on the promises. But guess what? There's something you walked away with. And for every single experience I've had like that, there's been something new I learned. Now, it might not be what the program or the training was set to do, but I walked away with either knowing that training was not a good one, which a lot of times um it's not the way it should be framed. It's they might have marketed to you in a different way, but it might not have been what you needed for your business model. Right? So again, but there's something you will walk away with. There's something you will learn, either for your sales, for your marketing, or your PR, either new connections and networking relationships that stays with you beyond that program, beyond that project. And so the willingness to begin again is what sustains every change maker, every immigrant dreamer, every inclusive leader, every employee resource group leader. So when we are in transformation, it doesn't really announce itself. We don't get this old light bulb every day and say, oh, I'm in the transformation phase. I'm about to evolve my business or my career. Um, we we just find ourselves in need. And so this is a reminder that those things that look like pauses, that look like pivots and recalibration, they are huge opportunities. And so if you're in that season of rethinking, revising, rebuilding, I want you to know that you're not behind. You are aligning, and those preparation stages, those recalibration stages are as important as the starts. And so be patient in the pause, have the conversations you need to have, right? Have the coffee chats you need to have. Talk to the people that have found success, seemingly, and to the people that maybe have had what seems like failures and extract. It doesn't mean you don't go that route. It means now you're going with more information that will keep you moving forward. The next chapter doesn't need to be fearless, it needs you to be faithful so that you can grow and understand your own boundaries and set your own boundaries and embrace the process of becoming better. Better at advocacy, better at entrepreneurship, better at owning your own career path. So you've recalibrated, you've refined. Now it's time to begin again, not with hesitation, uh, but with honor for how far you've come. Right. Experience is a huge teacher for all of us. It shouldn't hold us back, it should propel us forward with more intention. Thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the Thriving in Intersectionality Podcast. And I'm glad I got to share a little bit of what I am working on, what has helped me and what I'm learning along the way. And if you're on Substack, go check out the Dr. Lola Sub Substack because um part of what I'm doing more of this season is also writing, writing more. I I do a lot of writing on LinkedIn, but now I'm doing a lot more writing, um, deeper reflection on Substack, and and I like to hear what you think. I like to hear your own perspective and and see what's um going on in your world. Share this episode with someone that needs this reminder who is in a season of transition, transformation, and recalibration in their life, and remind them that we shouldn't let fear hold those back. False restarts, false starts are learning, coming from a place of learning and experience to move to the next stage of our life. And I hope I get a chat with you soon. Reach out on LinkedIn or via email lola at eqimindset.com. Thank you for joining me. Thank you for being part of today's conversation on thriving in intersectionality. If you're an HR or DEI leader and you need employee resource group or business resource group resources, let's connect and LinkedIn. I help organizations build inclusive cultures through inclusive workplace communities, strategy, and storytelling. Immigrants and first-gen professionals, join our free community at www.immigrantsincorporate.org for career support, networking, and resources in community with peers who understand your journey. Tag our podcast page on LinkedIn or connect with me directly to continue the conversation. Please don't forget to rate and review to help others discover these discussions. Keep thriving in your intersections. Your story matters. I'm Dr. Lola Ademo, and this has been Thriving in Intersectionality Podcast.